Have you ever had a discussion with someone where you thought that the other person understood you, only to later discover that they had a completely different understanding of what was discussed? I would imagine that if you are married; or if you have ever been in a relationship then you will almost certainly will have experienced this! At work and home we encounter communication difficulties on a regular basis.
When we communicate with another person, we have a tendency to assume that the person hears and interprets the information in the same way that we do. It is hard for us to realise that there are different interpretations of the information that we are communicating.
We are biased to the interpretation that we have, and therefore to us the understanding seems simple and obvious. We may not even stop to consider the possibility that the information we are sharing could be interpreted in a another way.
An Example
To illustrate this point I will use an example on punctuation; the correct use of a comma can make a big difference. This is a written example but the same principle still applies for verbal communication - when we talk we 'punctuate' our words with pauses and the intonation in our voice, that affect the interpretation.
Take a look at the following two sentences - the only difference is the placement of the comma:
"A woman; without her man, is nothing."
--True or False?
"A woman; without her, man is nothing."
--True or False?
When we communicate with other people we tend to assume that they hear and understand everything that we say.
The above example could, for arguments sake, have been written in an email without punctuation. When the recipient reads the text they will add the punctuation themselves when the read the statement and may interpret the wrong meaning.
We may also lack verbal punctuation with the way we pause and use our tone of voice and intonation when we are speaking. As the above example shows, we could intend to communicate one statement and have the other person interpret a completely different understanding if we pause in the wrong spot whilst speaking.
It is important that when we communicate with others that we ask questions and confirm understanding by repeating what was said back to them in our own words. This will help to clear up any misunderstandings.
Managing Interpretations
1. Clarify: check that the correct message was received
If you are the person communicating, then it is up to you to ensure that the listener has understood. You cannot rely on the listener to clarify. This means that you need to ask clarifying questions to ensure that the other person understands and has interpreted as you intended.
If you are on the receiving end of the communication, confirm the message by repeating it back in your own words and asking clarifying questions.
2. Avoid misunderstandings before they happen
Consider other ways to interpret the information that you are communicating. Avoid the potential misinterpretation before it happens -by ensuring that there is sufficient information in your communication. Explain what you do and don't mean!
For example, a wife asking husband to cook some dinner for tonight's meal might ring home on the phone and say
"I will be late home, are you OK to sort out some dinner?"Possible interpretations by the husband could be:
- Sort out your own food...don't worry about me.
- Cook some food for both of us
- Get some take out food for both of us
the original statement could have been communicated clearer if more information had been provided:
"I will be late home, are you OK to cook dinner for us tonight?"3. Stick to the most important information
In our house we have a little saying which is occasionally expressed when one of us is giving an over complicated explanation for something: "can you explain that... in 10 words or less".
Find the simplest way to communicate what you want. Stick to the most important information. As a gross generalisation: women have a tendency to elaborate on explanations (sometimes too much) and men tend to do the opposite, where they provide straight facts without enough surrounding information to give them context.
Provide enough information to make the message clear, and that is all. If you provide too much information the important points of the message will become confused with all the other less important information.
4. Have a Reason
It is important that you articulate a reason for your request or communication.
This creates a higher level of importance to what ever it is that you have communicated. The exact reason is not as important as the fact that there is a reason. Even if the reason is slightly selfish or self serving, people appreciate the honesty and are more likely to understand what you are trying to achieve and be willing to help.
"Can you make a photocopy of this document for me please"
"Can you make a photocopy of this document for me please, I need a copy for my report"
If you do not give a reason, the other person may interpret that your request is for another reason and they may make assumptions because of this. In the above example, the communicator may have forgotten to tell the person that it must be a color photocopy, however, if the person was aware of the purpose of the job (i.e. for the report) then they may have thought to ask if it needed to be in color, rather assume that it was just a black and white copy for reference.
5. Communicate the expected outcomes
If you are communicating something and you expect the other person to do something with that information then tell them! Don't assume that they will automatically know why you have told them the information.
6. Don't Assume!
A blanket rule here is to avoid making assumptions about how the other person will interpret the information that you are sharing. Find ways to share the information as if you were explaining to someone that knew nothing about it. It is important however, that you do not do this in a condescending way. This is best achieved by asking clarifying questions, for example, "have you ever used the X Y Z before?" - this will help you to understand their level of knowledge.
7. Relate information instead of giving orders
Another useful technique to use when you are communicating with someone is to share knowledge from a first hand experience. It can be insulting to tell a person about something that they already know, but if you really want to make sure that you can tell them that information, then relate it from first hand experience; "Hopefully you already know about this, but I had a real problem getting the defribyulator to work until I realised that the stability switch was around the back - worked great after I found that!"
Put it to the test
The only way to improve your communication with others is to practice. Practice is more than just trying a technique out - it is also very important to observe - take note of how well it worked. What worked and what didn't. What could you have done better if you were able to do it all over again.
Share your experience
If anyone has any stories from personal experience - about either successful - or unsuccessful communication, or any tricks that they have learned then please share your knowledge in the comments!
Do you want to learn more?
Here are some recommended books from Amazon. I have read these books and can recommend them as being excellent books for helping you to more effectley communicate and interact with people:
I am a sucker for good usability. Usability is one of those things you don't notice - until it is bad. Usability affects all areas of life; however, we all typically encounter bad usability on a daily basis on the web.
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